Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
