Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
