I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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