kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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