your parents love me but you hate me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
