Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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