Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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