mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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