My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
