Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
