Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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