i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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