you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
