if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
