whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
