So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
