The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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