The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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