just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
