dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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