loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
