If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
