I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
