I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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