No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
