yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
