I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
