i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
only you would photoshop your dick
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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