STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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