Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
