i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
