If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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