I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
