You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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