You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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