Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
