coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
