That's intense
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
