im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
