she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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