There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
