I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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