seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
