I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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