false alarm. still invincible.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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