At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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