You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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