I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
