His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
