This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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