and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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