Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
