someone threw a dead crab at me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
