I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
